Another “eye-cation” at “The Thornton Hotel”…

Well Hello My Pretties, and your big dogs too….

I had my Left Eye Orbital Decompression on the 7th of February. As is always, a pleasure.

My Orbital Decompression with Drs. Bobby Korn and Audrey Ko went as smooth as ever! I did wake up with some sort of gloved turban situation, but I was thankful for being safe and alive and finally having my left eye look somewhat like my right, which has recovered beautifully.

I’m not sure of the next steps, as I will be seeing Dr. Korn again in about 3 weeks, but it is already looking beautiful.

Couldn’t have more amazingly supporting doctors and nurses! All of them were there for me beyond the job. Thankful is not enough!

LOok at that turban situation I have going there!?! I woke up and looked in a mirror and was like, “WTF?” I swear it was attached to my eye.. That glove… WHAT IS THAT.

Anyhoo, so without further ado, here I am in all my facial glory… (Comments are necessary, please!!!!)

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This and thaaaaaaaaaat…..

******* January 26, 2017 *******

yeah yeah yeah…

I know, I know. I’m very overdue for this blog. So I think it’s time to update y’all on my Amytastic life….

 

So, I had my first surgery on the right eye for my Graves Disease. Below is the slideshow on all of that….

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I’m having the left eye surgery on the 7th of February. Just around the corner. At Jacobs/Thornton Hospital. I’ll be there overnight, so feel free to check in or visit… Bring food offerings… Hahaha! No, like seriously. I had no food last time because I got out surgery later and I didn’t have the heart to ask Rob to get me food. There’s hardly any food offerings in that section of La Jolla unless you visit the mall… Yeah, no!

Thanksgiving was especially awesome… Excellent food offerings by all three of us.

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As for Christmas, we were sad to not attend my amazing Godparents dinner because I was Looking a bit GOONIESish!

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I made the exact dinner my beautiful and hardworking Godmother Angela made for the family tasty!

New Years was even better. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a kiss at midnight…

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And so that leads us to today. Sitting a Shiley. Pre-op stuff. The best thing is…  We get to spend the night with my favorite BFFs and brothers from excellent and beloved mothers, Robbie and Gregg. And I get to see FINNIE!! I’m just now getting into Prim’s inner circle. She’s slept on the guest bed with me and STAYED!! I’m flabbergasted! She finally lets me walk her and pet her and even pick her up and hold her. Making moves there!

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So so that’s my life in a nutshell since the last time I updated!

…. And if you are Aunt Judy’s (my dads first wife) husband…. A BIG HUGE SHOUT OUT to you for keeping up with my crazy!

 

 

 

Fun at the Shiley Eye Center

(This #Blog was started August 18, 2016… naturally I stopped writing because I couldn’t see..so I’m posting it with my update! I kept any mistakes in grammar and spelling, as is…)

********

….Eyes dilated!! Beware… No clue if any of this will be in correct spelling, grammar or punctuation. So, as I’ve talked briefly before about, I have Graves Disease, otherwise known as Eye Thyroid Disease.

So they measures. They poked. The prodded. They measured again. The eye dropped for pressure. Drops for dilation. And now I’m waiting to see my team.

Hopefully… There will be a treatmebt/surgicaln plan mentioned..

Eating my protein bar and thinking about tonights Big Brother eviction… Is it? Could it? Please got let Paulie .

****** And so that’s where it ended..

And my update today begins…. ******

It took over an hour to get my eyes straight from being dilated and pressure drops and they hurt until the next morning from just about everything from that appointment, but I’m #eternallygrateful for #ucsd and #shileyeyeinstitute and all the doctor, nurses, specialist, staff and everyone. I cannot thank y’all enough!

Moving on…

They ended up taking more photos, measurements and all sorts of stuff for over an hour.

Treatment plan is that I’m going in for another #CTscan then returning in October to make sure my measurements, etc., haven’t changed.

I realize that makes no sense so please partake of this: Graves Disease – Shiley Eye Institute

So looks like I’m going to be going into surgery this winter for the 1st of 4 or more facial and eye surgeries to move my “#bugeye” back.

Circa 2002 and before…

 

And in more recent years, the decline and beginning stages of Graves Disease

(I’ll add captions with dates for progression of disease when I’m more awake!)

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Apparently, because of my #ESLF status and my bleeding issues, Drs. Kikkawa, Granet, and Shaw are thinking of working on one side of my face first.

I’m riveted to see how that’s gonna look! I certainly hope not like this:

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Good news… those #wrinkles will be a thing of the past as one of the final surgeries will be a face lift, so to speak. #thereisagod #plasticsurgeryisquicker #yesplease

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#yesplease

 

I have alot of stuff going on I need to blog about so I’ll really work hard to focus and blast some out here as quickly as I can.

Love y’all!
Amy

New labs and some random thoughts..

So today is whatever day it is and I’m sitting at #ShileyEyeCenter to have more and more and more tests done because of my #Graves.

Yep. New ailment! Cuz yep… WHY NOT!!

Graves info

Amy before the Graves started presenting itself….

 

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And years going forward to now…

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Anyhoo..

I went to my new NEUROGOD, Dr. Ross #Mandeville at #UCSD and we are working on my #Neuropathy issues. So God willing I will have my legs and feet returned to me in perfect form in time for next years beach season.

But he had labs done here they are.



Anyone have any thoughts?

I had my labs done yesterday for dr. Vodkin. Here’s those results…. Seems I’m all good in my hood. MELD IS 11 so STATUS QUO!!!

Tonight, I’m having dinner with Robbie and finally meeting his beautiful parents… I’m soooo looking forward to this! I adore them already! #AnotherSetOfParents is always nice! I’ll post photos over at my Facebook page later. So don’t forget to have a look.

Also, don’t forget to like and share my adjoining  Amy’s Sad Liver Facebook page!

With love always in my heart and soul,
AmyAnd Mister Jinx (my new baby!)

Dark and Twisty Bubble…

In my “woe is me” bubble, still. I am working on ranch stuff and going to the ORV races here in Campo today and tomorrow is the 4 wheelers…

But I’m still in my bubble. It’s warm and cozy and I am in it to process some new shit in my already sick and dying life…

Bubble. Me. Now.

image

I’m in my dark & twisty “bubble”, so I’m re-doing the walk-in pantry! 

Well. So last Thursday was interesting to say the least!

About 10 days ago, I went to the #opthamologist to continue on my “make sure all my other organs, orrifices and body parts are in tip-top shape” world tour…

What a mistake. Sort of. Well not really. I was referred to #Ocularplastics. Having had no clue as to why I was going, I went to the appointment Thursday, hence my “bubble” status. .

After 3, count them, 3 hours, Dr. Audrey Ko diagnosed me with “history of bilateral #Proptosis with suspicion for #Graves/Thyroid Eye Disease”… #SoManyTests

She’s rather convinced and sees me with all the classic signs… Oh yeah. Because Amy needed YET another effing #AILMENT!!!!

So here we go again with extensive blood labs, CT Orbits, Visual Fields, Ocular Color Photo, and then back to #ShileyEyeCenter to discuss the treatment plan.

All I know is, my eyes hurt all time, headaches, sinus, occasional double vision, 👀 protruding eyes 👀… And more.

So yeah. I’m in my bubble. And I’m just going about my bubble mess….

In my bubble, The Sleestacks rule!

In my bubble, The Sleestacks rule!

So I decided to emerge from my self-imposed “woe is me” avoidance bubble long enough my work on the #ranch.

Re-did the walk-in, gave Little Ricky a #puppy cut, made a pot of #Spanish #Lentil and Black Bean #Soup, and more.

I took photos of the walk-in after my #darkandtwisty #OCD hands got in there. Now it’s #justlikeilikeit!!

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My mom is kind of an #apocalypsejunkie! #HoardingMuch? I tried the best I could in there…

On Saturday, I emerged again and dragged myself out to the Campo #VMX Flat Track Races. Rather fascinating experience. I very much enjoyed it when Jeff, my long ago ex-fiancée, took me to #TheMurph to the #Motocross… So. Much. FUN!!! Wish it were more like that. Sadly, it felt like we watched more #tractor races (i.e. wetting down the track, filling holes, etc, etc…) than actually watching races. $10 sort of wasted. But at least I had a great experience.

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So now we are at Sunday. I’m climbing out of my bubble now to start a week anew.

Tomorrow, Monday, I’m headed to my therapist do discuss last weekend homework assignment. We are working on unsensored future plans. Is #sex and a hot man considered #Unsensored #futureplans? #cobwebs

I kid, I kid! Or am I???

A lot of new testing, exams, scans, to go through, but at least the sinus pain (or what I thought was #sinus pain), eye strain, painful eyes, double vision, protruding eyes, headaches, etc., will be taken care of.

This all culminates on Thursday, when I will have my sit down with my Ocularplastics and figure out a treatment plan.

I also am am meeting with my #LiverTransplant Doctor, Dr. Vodkin, and my Coordinator, Joanie, on Thursday. Just a regular check up and discussion of the latest shit in my life.

And God willing, I can fit in my work and a few meals with friends.

For this, I’m #blessed.

Hope everyone has a great week. I’ll try to blog more as I get back to the city this week.

Ti amo tutti molto,

Amy

Therapy Homework…??….

So, I now have been seeing Dr. Reyes for over a month and I have never felt more raw and rock bottom than ever before.

  • I thought I had this.
  • I thought I was done with the “daddy grief” and “daddy guilt”.
  • I thought I was ok.
  • I thought I had no more “coulda, shoulda, woulda’s”. 
  • I had accepted my dad, my mortality, my repercussions.
  • I thought I was no longer avoiding.

I was terribly wrong.

So I have been made to see inside myself. Deep. Dark. Twisty. Guilty. Self. Dr. Reyes dug deep and pulled out of me all the shit I’ve been avoiding.

Yep, I’ve been lying to myself and I didn’t even know it. I’m still avoiding. I’m still dwelling. I’ve still not accepted all the repercussions to what I created inside myself when my daddy died on me. Yes. See. You can see it. I can see it now. It’s the “I CREATED” and “DADDY DIED ON ME,”.

So Dr. Reyes gave me homework 3 weeks ago to ask me to define: ACCEPTANCE

She told me “Acceptance does not mean approval!” She told me to write, draw, paint, whatever, to define Acceptance. This is what I came up with:


Yeah. I know. I have zero painting talent. I at least tried to think out of the box and do something I wasn’t comfortable with to challenge myself. DONT JUDGE! It could be worse. It could be the beautiful toothbrush holder I made my parents when I took Ceramics my junior year at Point Loma High (GO POINTER BASEBALL – WOOT WOOT!).

The toothbrush holder that I so beautifully crafted, burned in the Cedar fires. I’m sure, to this day, my mother cries just a little every time she goes to brush her teeth! LMAO!)

At least I tried with the paintings!

So, back to my homework. I gave it to her and we discussed it. And she gave me an even deeper assignment. Define it and explain the ripple effects from the minute of my dads death and the consequences of it.

Dad didn’t die on ME. He simply died. Not my fault. Not moms fault. Not anyone’s fault. It just was how it was supposed to be.

When he died, I had nothing. My life was over. I didn’t know how I can live in a world without my dad in it!

I woke up that following morning and just started drinking. I drank myself all the way to end-stage liver failure. AKA, I’ll die without a liver transplant.

But this part of the story, you all have already read about

So let’s talk about all the REPERCUSSIONS that letting my dads death take control of my dark and twisty life.

  1. Drinking
  2. Drinking earlier in the day
  3. Drinking all day, all night, anytime
  4. Letting the ranch go
  5. Ignoring friends requests to go out
  6. Placing myself in a bubble and giving up on life in general: couldn’t work, gave up on my life of being like my dad in forensics, didn’t work, didn’t go anywhere
  7. TV all the time
  8. Crying, crying, crying
  9. Woe is me, hamster wheel
  10. Feeling sick
  11. Gaining weight
  12. No menses for years and not wondering or caring why
  13. Bed to couch to wine to couch to bed with wine. On a hamster wheel.
  14. Face and eye coloring became jaundiced and I didn’t care.
  15. Knowing something was wrong with me, terribly wrong, and hiding it from MY MOM, EVERYONE!
  16. Ignoring medical insurance and doctors.
  17. Just plain letting myself go.

So now let’s talk about the repercussions and ripple effects caused by the above, which in turn, caused my current diagnosis and the “DEATH THAT BECOMES ME”.

  1. After being without proper levels of oxygen for 2 days practically incoherent (no memory of any of it) and in an awakened coma, was damned near practically dead on my living room floor.
  2. Found by my mother airlifted from my ranch to Sharp Grossmont Hospital trauma where I was placed in a coma and strapped to my bed, apparently.
  3. Woke up and was told, while crying, that I was dying. My doctor wasn’t even sure I’d live a week at that point. Then it went to another week.. And so on…
  4. Moving from plain Hepatology department into the Liver Transplant Center
  5. Alcoholic Cirrosis of the Liver
  6. End-Stage Liver Failure
  7. Hepatic Encephalopathy (memory loss and speech impairment caused by extremely high levels of ammonia in my liver that makes me behave like I have a small form of Dementia)
  8. TIPS SHUNT placed in my liver to help relieve my portal hypertension and esophageal varices
  9. HX of Portal Hypertension
  10. Periferal neuropathy
  11. Aceties
  12. Situational Anciety/OCPD
  13. Weekly doctor visits of various kinds
  14. Constant blood tests
  15. Still living in a bubble. Crying. Missing my father. Blaming myself. Believing I’m a failure
  16. People feeling sorry for me or always wanting to help me
  17. The digging out of the holes I created
  18. The list goes on…

So I sit here and try to get motivation to keep on trucking along. This is a daily task for me. I have deep rooted guilt, grief and darkness.

I’m living just fine with my life, however, in all other aspects.

Life has returned and life has moved forward in a positive direction. I’m proud of the changes I’ve made. I’m proud of the work I’m doing. I’m proud of MYSELF!

Thank God I’ve met Dr. Dara Reyes. My dark and twisty is being pulled out of me. It’s painful and I fight it, but I need to figure all this out, get the puzzle of my life put back together, LIVE and….

Dance, 

Like there is no tomorrow,

In my underpants!!!